1 post tagged “masculinity”

I love how you've taken my comments and assumed you know enough about me to tell me that I'm offended by masculinity. It says a lot about you and why you might be kind of obsessed with defending this antiquated machismo.

I also love how you've trotted out the typical "Well what's the solution" crap in order to silence objections. I don't need to have a solution in order to voice the fact that I don't like something. It would be kind of like going to a restaurant and commenting on how you don't like their coffee, but not be able to say so because you don't know the name of another coffee distributor to tell the owner. Ridiculous. Sometimes the critique itself is what is needed in order to start the process of change.

I also also love that you've decided to trot out your supposed "background in media" as if that gives you any sort of authority here. Well I'm not going to bow down before the altar of the Commodore and assume you're actually telling the truth. Sheeeeeeet, I'm the f-ing Dalai Lama. Did you buy that? And that's only slightly less credible than your expertise. The double edge to the sword of anonymity. Hell, I have a "background in media" too: I used to write for my college newspaper. Does that qualify me as an expert? How about being a blogger? Or whatever. I'll start to bite on this one when I find out you're employed by CNN.

All that said, I'll play your solutions game. I already mentioned one, the Vagina Monologues. Same issue, much, much better. I know plenty of men involved with V-day, even one or two who have atypically performed at them. Also, there are plenty of other walks, sporting events, etc. etc. etc. that attract large audiences and media that don't rely on stereotyped images of femininity. That doesn't mean they aren't problematic as well, it's just that they're not parading around in heels. (By the way, I love how my choices are narrowed down to banalities as if there were only two options here: yours or the "evil feminist's.") There are countless ways that these men could be helping put an end to DV, and one of the most powerful ways is to 1) have healthy, respectful relationships with the women in their lives, 2) deconstruct their own masculinities and become pro-feminist, gay affirming men who don't have to resort to violence to solve conflict, 3) believe and tell other men that it's ok to judge your masculinity on something other than sexual conquests, quantity of beer chugged, or number of knockout punches thrown.

Speaking as a man, and one born and raised in a violent male culture, I'm pretty sure that I'm not imagining things when I say that men dominate this world. To say the least, I think it's pretty important to take women seriously enough to believe them when they say that this world hasn't been created in their image. To ignore feminism is simply to reify patriarchy. You don't have to buy into all of "their" solutions (as if there is only one feminism), but I think it's kind of impossible to not take feminist criticism seriously. I also think that my standpoint as a male speaking out against these caricatures of femininity that get trotted out to "help the women" actually does more to end DV than to stand by and just let the guys do their thing. So, I certainly won't lose any sleep over you trying to tell me that my voice here is hurting the victims of domestic violence. I'm betting that my years of feminist activism, two years of employment at a campus women's center, and academic work in gender studies has done an awful lot to influence many people around me. I think I'm ok on that front.

To conclude, the point isn't that I'm opposed to masculinity. I'm simply opposed to the kind of masculinity that gets shoved down my throat every day, the kind that makes my loved ones hate themselves because they're gay and constantly told they're not man enough, the kind that makes me worry about the women in my life when they are out late or at a bar. DV is a man's problem, therefore we have MORE responsibility to fight it, and we're not going to do that through vamped up philanthropic events like the Walk a Mile in Her Shoes campaign.