1 post tagged “femininity”
An Evil Male.
Sweetheart, I respectfully disagree.
http://thecommodoreis.blogspot.com/2008/11/in-defense-of-walk-mile-in-he...
"Sweetheart"...really?
Did you really call her "sweetheart"? I mean, really? Wow. I also think it's awesome how you totally missed the point of this article. Nice work.
Why So Serious.
It's a polite way of addressing a woman, darling.
Ms. Wallace is unfairly criticizing a non-profit organizations efforts to benefit victims of domestic violence. As she concedes herself in her post, the activists don't claim that, “men will understand all women’s experiences by simply walking in a pair of high heel shoes.” Out of genuine curiosity, short of the men beating themselves, what would be an acceptable form of showing solidarity with victims of domestic violence?
Step back and objectively consider what you (feminists) want the end result to be: An end to domestic violence or another reason to arbitrarily blame men for your own problems?
fool's gold
First of all, cheers on hilariously using what you surely know to be condescending ways of addressing a female. Not even remotely charming. Also, way to use foolish cliche subject lines. I offer you a hearty pat on the back, bud.
Secondly, Kelsey qualifies her criticism several times in recognizing that "the hearts of the people behind this campaign are in the right place," and I think that they definitely are.
But I'll also agree that this campaign is overly lighthearted, inadvertently likening the suffering of domestic violence victims to that of a dude wearing a pair of high heels for a walk down the block. Not the same, says I.
A little fight in you...I like that.
I'll simply ask in very earnest terms:
What is the Feminist Approved way of conducting the Walks? In what way would you prefer these gentlemen execute their campaign?
Seriously, I'm not being rhetorical or facetious.
WTF?
Simply because the walks are organized as a fund raiser doesn't mean they are immune from criticism. While this may be better than a bikini car wash or a wet t-shirt contest at the frat house, it doesn't mean that it's the most non-sexist philanthropic event ever.
I've been asked to coordinate these walks at two different college campuses and at both my answer was the same, why do we have to employ stereotypical femininity (high heels) in order to combat what is essentially a problem with masculinity. And wearing high heels isn't going to make hypermasculinity - rape culture - disappear.
Besides, it doesn't take an idiot to see that many of these men who participate actually do think they are gaining some sort of concrete knowledge about women's experiences by walking a mile in high heel shoes. How utterly stupid. Not only that, but the calendar actually resorts to misrepresentation because in order to ensure that they come off as properly macho, even in high heels, the "models" strike ridiculous poses in ridiculous outfits.
The point of the criticism, it seems, is that there are lines to be drawn around the issue of domestic violence and men can't claim much authority to make fun of it. Particularly not the frat house bunch, who tend to be over-represented in on-campus sexual assault perpetrator cases. Whereas the Vagina Monologues has some very funny moments, it is different because it is a play based on women's words, written by a woman, and performed by women. Men walking around in high heels brings everything down a notch because it plays on stereotypical images of masculinity/femininity, which has everything to do with perpetuating domestic violence, and nothing to do with eradicating it.
And contrary to your own blog posting, the fact that a high heel was (supposedly) invented by a Medici duchess matters little. The use of a shoe to increase stature says a lot about the value we place on height, as well as elongating the leg and so on. The shoe itself is the product of a masculine culture that expects its women to look and act a certain way. And THAT's what's problematic about them, regardless of their popularity within the Sex and the City crowd.
Rock on Kels.
Here's an alternative
How 'bout they just walk a mile in their own shoes? Or do you believe it's necessary to have an absurd gimmick?
Yes...it does need an absurd gimmick. Welcome to Marketing 101.
Thank you. Follow my logic carefully and let us agree to the following:
Our overall goal is to stop sexualized violence against women.
One way to stop sexualized violence against women is to raise awareness and money.
In order to raise awareness and money, people must know about the issue and the fundraising efforts of the campaign.
Unless there is a newsworthy angle on the story, it will not get coverage.
As someone with a background in media, I assure you that men simply walking for a good cause, unfortunately, is not what blood thirsty news outlets are looking for. If you want results in our perverted media environment, you've got to be willing to get your hands dirty and play the game. Otherwise, feminist issues will continue to be the butt of chauvinist comedians jokes and the reason I didn't vote for Hillary.
So choose:
A) Make the men wear something "Feminist Approved" that a large audience won't want to look at, and therefore, won't care.
B) Let these men tactfully do something out of the ordinary that will get attention and will help victims of sexualized violence.
Don't let your animosity towards an imaginary male dominated world hurt the victims of domestic violence. Because that's all you are doing.
Apparently I'm offended by masculinity now...
I love how you've taken my comments and assumed you know enough about me to tell me that I'm offended by masculinity. It says a lot about you and why you might be kind of obsessed with defending this antiquated machismo.
I also love how you've trotted out the typical "Well what's the solution" crap in order to silence objections. I don't need to have a solution in order to voice the fact that I don't like something. It would be kind of like going to a restaurant and commenting on how you don't like their coffee, but not be able to say so because you don't know the name of another coffee distributor to tell the owner. Ridiculous. Sometimes the critique itself is what is needed in order to start the process of change.
I also also love that you've decided to trot out your supposed "background in media" as if that gives you any sort of authority here. Well I'm not going to bow down before the altar of the Commodore and assume you're actually telling the truth. Sheeeeeeet, I'm the f-ing Dalai Lama. Did you buy that? And that's only slightly less credible than your expertise. The double edge to the sword of anonymity. Hell, I have a "background in media" too: I used to write for my college newspaper. Does that qualify me as an expert? How about being a blogger? Or whatever. I'll start to bite on this one when I find out you're employed by CNN.
All that said, I'll play your solutions game. I already mentioned one, the Vagina Monologues. Same issue, much, much better. I know plenty of men involved with V-day, even one or two who have atypically performed at them. Also, there are plenty of other walks, sporting events, etc. etc. etc. that attract large audiences and media that don't rely on stereotyped images of femininity. That doesn't mean they aren't problematic as well, it's just that they're not parading around in heels. (By the way, I love how my choices are narrowed down to banalities as if there were only two options here: yours or the "evil feminist's.") There are countless ways that these men could be helping put an end to DV, and one of the most powerful ways is to 1) have healthy, respectful relationships with the women in their lives, 2) deconstruct their own masculinities and become pro-feminist, gay affirming men who don't have to resort to violence to solve conflict, 3) believe and tell other men that it's ok to judge your masculinity on something other than sexual conquests, quantity of beer chugged, or number of knockout punches thrown.
Speaking as a man, and one born and raised in a violent male culture, I'm pretty sure that I'm not imagining things when I say that men dominate this world. To say the least, I think it's pretty important to take women seriously enough to believe them when they say that this world hasn't been created in their image. To ignore feminism is simply to reify patriarchy. You don't have to buy into all of "their" solutions (as if there is only one feminism), but I think it's kind of impossible to not take feminist criticism seriously. I also think that my standpoint as a male speaking out against these caricatures of femininity that get trotted out to "help the women" actually does more to end DV than to stand by and just let the guys do their thing. So, I certainly won't lose any sleep over you trying to tell me that my voice here is hurting the victims of domestic violence. I'm betting that my years of feminist activism, two years of employment at a campus women's center, and academic work in gender studies has done an awful lot to influence many people around me. I think I'm ok on that front.
To conclude, the point isn't that I'm opposed to masculinity. I'm simply opposed to the kind of masculinity that gets shoved down my throat every day, the kind that makes my loved ones hate themselves because they're gay and constantly told they're not man enough, the kind that makes me worry about the women in my life when they are out late or at a bar. DV is a man's problem, therefore we have MORE responsibility to fight it, and we're not going to do that through vamped up philanthropic events like the Walk a Mile in Her Shoes campaign.
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Which is worse?
I attended one of these walks a few years ago and I couldn't help feeling uncomfortable about it, but I couldn't quite put my finger on why I felt that way. After reading this, I realize that I felt something was being trivialized and this article did an excellent job articulating the reservations I had about it. I think the people that participate in this event have good intentions, but lack a critical perspective on the implications of the high-heel wearing men. This was in a somewhat small Midwestern city I used to live in and I felt happy that anything was being done to bring attention to women's issues in the public sphere. After my experiences directing The Vagina Monologues in this particular community, I became aware of how conservative the city really is. Are issues that affect women (or any issue really) better off being addressed in an incorrect way or not at all? Which is worse? I'm not entirely sure.